Questions…so many questions….

So here’s the funny thing about writing stuff and putting it out there in the world for all to see. Some people read it. Ok so not a lot – certainly not many – ok maybe only you…right now…anyway…

I get lots of feedback and comments via all the methods that I put this dribble out there for you guys to critique. Loads of it is funny, heaps of it is supportive, some is non-committal and a little bit is just kind of weird. But that’s a whole other blog I think.

No this week I want to answer some of the questions that I’ve received over the last year or so and do my best to answer them. And yes, these are real-honest-to-goodness questions that I’ve received and some of them could get interesting so brace yourselves! Here goes nothing.

  1. Are you Louis Murphy who went to St Phillip’s School? (Drew – via Facebook about “Hey Mr DJ! I think we need to talk.”)

Hi Drew! No sorry about that. I’m Louise (with an “e” on the end) Murphy. Also, I just googled that school and it’s an all-boys school in the UK. Does my profile picture make me look like a boy? I’ve always been concerned that my features are a touch masculine. But it’s my voice that makes me sound like a man really. It’s deep for a chick. Even though I know you can’t hear it over Facebook. Never mind. Good luck looking for Louis and can I suggest an appointment with an optometrist may be in order.

  1. How can you write such pointless boring shit every week? (Anon. via WordPress about “Ten things you may not want to know about me”)

Hi Anon. My what a lovely name you have! Is it pronounced “Ay-non” or maybe “Uh-non”? I wish it could be pronounced “Arrrrr-non” sort of like a pirate kind of thing. Oh! Even better if you could roll all the “rrrrrrrrr’s” while you said it so you could sound like a Scottish pirate. Now that would be a talking point at a party wouldn’t it? Plus, what if you actually had a beard and only one leg and a pet parrot? Now that would be even better. And can you see how I can write such pointless shit each week Arrrrr-non? It’s a talent but not usually a boring one.

  1. You obviously hate men. Can you explain to me how your little woman brain justifies being such a leech hanging off your husband and milking him dry? (Jonah via WordPress about “The odd couple”)

Hi Jonah! Yeah I’m so glad that you are the only person who read that article and realized that I hate men. I was worried that everyone would miss that was the true meaning of this post. Even more kudos to you for instinctively knowing that this means I’m just married to him for his money and I’m going to clean him out completely. Again I thought my references to this were a bit too subtle for normal people to pick up on. But not you Jonah, you big manly, man you. I’m sure the little woman in your life is so grateful that you tolerate her awful existence. But wait! What’s this Jonah? This button right here that says I can block you? Oh whoops I pressed it…can’t seem to find out how to un-press with my small little woman brain. Such a shame…. thought we had a real connection Jonah.

  1. Are you kidding me? Running is easy! I love running! You make it sound awful. I also noticed your FB pic is only your head so you must be fat. Opinions like yours are adding to the obesity epidemic. (Anna via Facebook about “Run baby run”)

Hello Anna. Thanks for the feedback. I’m glad you’re so passionate about running. I am learning to enjoy it a bit too lately. Plus, now that the weather is getting cooler I’m less likely to start bushfires when my thighs rubbing together causes friction sparks – so that’s lucky isn’t it.  I had hoped my article highlighted me being brave enough to try something new, but obviously it was really about telling everyone to quit on everything and get fat. And you’re correct. I am fat. But I thought my contribution to the obesity epidemic started and finished with me. And a bag of salt and vinegar chips. Maybe cheese and wine too. Cheers Anna!

  1. You know that you’re going to hell for supporting those gays? (Anonymous via WordPress about “What the world needs now is love sweet love”)

Greetings Anonymous. Thanks for your small minded bigoted feedback and for being brave enough to voice your opinion under your true identity – except…oh Anonymous isn’t your real name am I right? Well I’m happy to go to hell since I’ve heard that any old murderer can get to go to heaven if they just “confess” before they die so I’d probably be hanging with a better class of spirit down there. That would be if I even believed in a heaven or hell of course. Amen to that!

And last but not least we’ll end it on a high note.

  1. That’s the worst bucket-list ever. Why couldn’t you make up something more exciting? (Paul via WordPress about “Before I die”)

Thanks Paul. I suppose I’d have to say sorry first for my dismal bucket list. If you were disappointed and thought it was boring, imagine being me! I can’t tell you how heavily that disappointment sits on my shoulders and grows agonizingly each day. And how silly of me to not think of inventing more exciting options for things I don’t really want to do before I die and publishing them on the internet for the whole world to keep me accountable on. What was I thinking?!? But it’s not too late to start being completely obsessed with what everyone else thinks of me and living my life in accordance with that…hang on. That can be number 1 on the new and improved list. Right after “pretend to give a shit if Paul from internet land likes my bucket list”.

So what do you think?  People are funny aren’t they. Just thinking that they’re at home behind a keyboard that they can say or do anything they like. What a pack of judgmental, preachy wankers. I would never do that to anyone.

Hang on a minute….

Lou

P.S. Questions are real but never allowed to go public on any of my sites due to their “interesting” nature. The photos I sometimes get on the other hand I haven’t quite ruled out publishing yet.

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2 thoughts on “Questions…so many questions….

  1. Funny, funny, funny – I think the best one yet…xx

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