The suckiest of the sucky days

Yesterday really sucked. I mean really, completely sucked.

You see I had been a touch busy the last few months, then that rolled into kind of crazy/busy over the last few weeks, which then climaxed into tearing my hair out “where did I lose my mind” kind of crazy the last few days. And absolutely no-one other than me noticed how busy I was. Nada.

Which is OK. Until yesterday.

Yesterday saw me heading off first thing yesterday morning without any real sleep, two sick kids, a never-ending pile of deadlines that are rapidly approaching, and an ever-growing pile of work to get done. Any normal person would just know that it was only a matter of time until this day ended in diva-style tears and tantrums.

But do you know what? Stupid me when I left my house, actually did think that I was holding it all together pretty nicely. I even gave myself a fairly big pat on the back for how well I was coping with all the poo that life was shoveling my way at the moment. A real high five to me.

I am such an idiot.

By the end of the day I had managed to complete the following stellar performances (note – this is not by any means a complete list. There was so much more horror.):

  • Lost half an hour looking for something so much that I actually forgot what I was looking for (& no I still haven’t remembered what it was yet);
  • Forgot to pack child number 2 any food to eat for the entire day;
  • Accusing previously mentioned number 2 child of “faking an illness to get out of school” while he spontaneously vomited all over the house;
  • Forgot to lock my car; went back to lock my car and then locked my bag in the car and then went back to get my bag but momentarily forgot what I was looking for again (my bag – I know);
  • Managed to achieve so little work that I was truly counter-productive as an employee and pissed off two of my bosses;
  • Completely forgot I had a child number 1 who was dealing with her own things at the moment but asked her to take on extra duties anyway;
  • Got home so late that I actually thought KFC was a healthy choice for the kid’s dinner but can’t stand the stuff myself so still had to cook myself a meal;
  • and then…
  • I dropped every single ball I was juggling (yes the one’s I was praising myself for so deftly keeping aloft). But they didn’t just drop – no. They dropped then exploded spectacularly.

I just lost it.

Don’t get me wrong. There were no tears or tantrums. There was hardly an external sign that I was phased by all of this. But in my head was a different story.

By the end of the evening I had convinced myself that I was a complete failure at life and the following actions needed to be carried out:

  • Quit Uni because I am far too busy and too stupid to study while working and parenting full time;
  • Care less about my job and only complete my “designated” duties;
  • Quit my job and take on something less demanding and more suited to my skill set like working at KFC;
  • Find suitable homes for my neglected children where they would have a less crazy mum; and
  • Move somewhere less busy. Like Antarctica.

I think my brain had snapped a little bit. So here’s what I did to remedy all that:

  • Manically started bashing out my Uni assessment with very little thought and absolutely no referencing to the point that it makes no sense at all;
  • Consulted a clairvoyant on Facebook for guidance;
  • Thought long and hard about getting rolling drunk. (I gave this one way too much thought actually);
  • Considered attempting meditation until I realized that I don’t remember how to do that;
  • Thought about getting drunk while stroking a bottle of red wine, whispering “my precious……”;
  • Consulted my daily horoscope for guidance; and
  • Thought about getting drunk. Again.

Until I made myself stop and just be still for a moment.

And then I realized a something:

  • It is what it is and I chose it so I had to toughen up and step up.

Now I know that I can’t do it all, have it all or be it all but that doesn’t have to stop me from trying. I just needed to remember that.

And yes. I am going to keep on dropping balls and screwing things up because let’s face it – I do it so well. But I am also great at brushing myself off and getting on with the job. Which is what I will do.

After I drink my wine….


P.S. Chin up friends – I guarantee those of you wanting to watch me have a spectacular implosion/explosion/both that it can’t be too far off now – it’s just not today.

But just in case – watch this space.


6 thoughts on “The suckiest of the sucky days

  1. And if it does happen you’ll pick yourself up, dust yourself off take deep breath and get on with that juggling you do so well….that’s how we roll…you are awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anonymous! However we can’t possibly know each other in real life if you think I 1. can juggle well or 2. am awesome 😉 But truly appreciate you appreciation of the post! 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s