It’s a new year. So shiny and untarnished. It’s the beginning of a whole year of days not yet filled with regrets and procrastination. So full of promise and allure…..

I’m sure you know what I mean. It comes almost straight after Christmas and at Christmas we all kind of lose our minds just a little bit. We’re all full of peace, love and goodwill towards all those people (*cough* family) we’ve avoided at all costs for the rest of the year ….

Then along rolls New Year’s. And we all lose what’s left of our minds. We’re all filled with self-improvement plans and charitable intentions. We start telling everyone about how much we love mankind and that this shiny, new unblemished year will be so much more rewarding and fulfilling than the one we’re about to dump like a bad tinder date.

Give me a break.

The last few years I’ve actively avoided making any kind of resolution at the beginning of the year simply because I could never achieve them and I really don’t like ending the year feeling like a complete failure/loser.

But not this year friends. This year I’m pulling out all the stops. I’m going to make and stick to a list that will impress each and every one of you – even the ones that actually know me in person. The ones that know I am going to fail at this. But here we go anyway.

I can hear you all asking why? Well I usually like to try to pick something new to try/see/experience instead of “making a resolution”. This year I asked my kids for their input. It went something like this:

Me: “What new thing do you think I should try or learn this year kids?”

Miss-Almost-An-Adult: “I actually don’t care old lady. Can I leave this conversation and house now?”

Mr-Teenager:     “How about swearing less?”

Ohhhhh. You know what? When your teenager tells you that you swear too much you may have an actual problem because they really swear a lot so their tolerance for it is quite high. And then I thought well why not make a list and see where it ends up. But not just any list – one that I might stand a chance of completing by the end of the year.

So strap yourselves in….

Swearing less.

OK, so we all know that this one will be quite the challenge for me. Plus, I recently read that science proves that people who swear more are more articulate and generally have higher IQ’s than those who don’t, so I have a genuine concern for my mental wellbeing. I mean my actual IQ and vocabulary are at risk here so it’s kind of my equivalent of….I don’t know…..climbing Mount Everest. It will test all my endurance, stamina and I’m pretty sure that at times I will actually not be able to breathe properly fighting the overwhelming urge to use the “F” word. But I will think of the children and give it a go.

But I kind of feel a bit nauseous….

Complete my first year of Uni.

Yeah. What on earth was I thinking? Working full time, parenting, setting up a small business and studying part time? At the same time? Luckily for me I don’t think I was thinking when I applied to the university. On line. After many beers. But guess what? They said yes they would take my money and now I’m about to study for the first time in eleventy billion years.

Wow. Is it me or is it getting hot in here all of a sudden….

Finish what I started last year.

Even though they weren’t resolutions I still feel like I have a few things to get through from last year. Like making time to play the drums more and focusing on my fitness with more regularity. And don’t forget my never ending quest for world peace….

Why is the room spinning…..are those walls closing in on me?

Be kind.

I know that I’ve waffled on about working on myself to become a better, less judgmental version of myself. I still have so many days though where I want to smack nasty people and sometimes when I’m talking to people who are jerks my eye starts to twitch and I lose track of what they’re saying because they really are such jerks and I’m wondering how they managed to tie their own shoes without expecting a medal and did I mention that they were jerks? So obviously this is still an area that I need to keep working on.  Because I need to let everyone else be what they want to be so that I can be who I want to be.

But I did tell you they were jerks – right?

I can’t breathe properly – can someone get me a paper bag…….

There you have it. I’m pretty sure that I may be able to get through at least one or two of them but I may experience some panic attacks and set-backs along the way. I’m pretty sure we all know that the swearing one will be my greatest challenge though.

So let me know – what are some of your resolutions or if you don’t make them why not?


P.S. Surely there has to be some kind of “leave pass” for the whole swearing thing. Like how about I donate money to charity to buy 10 swear words per month? Or can someone come up with a definitive list of the actual “swear word list” as endorsed by…I don’t know…there has to be someone who governs these things, right? Because I think I may need a little help with this one.

Happy New Year everyone.

happy-new-year-new-year-resolutions (2)

One thought on “Resolution?

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