Well hello there stranger! Yes – I know I haven’t posted in a while but now I’m back and well, we all know it could go anywhere from here so strap yourselves in….
I haven’t posted because I’ve been in a creative funk. Actually it’s been more like I’ve been stuck on the wrong side of a gigantically huge mountain range which was built out of shards of glass and razorblades and I’m buck naked, barefoot and I really wasn’t brave enough to take that first agonising step…..and did I mention that the mountain is covered in oil and I’m standing knee deep in super sticky mud and oh dear lord I’ve forgotten to breathe again. (Now you’re remembering how much you missed my dramatics? And my waffling ways. No??)
See loads of people had been giving me lots of really constructive feedback about my writing. Which is great. I need it so that I can improve areas where I fall down and celebrate the ones where I shine. But then pretty much everyone also asked me when I was going to make it my job or get something published or apply to be the PM’s speech writer (which I would totally rock. Obviously.) And it started me thinking about why I am actually writing.
Then I started to analyse what I am writing. Then I started to over-analyse what I am writing and why I was writing. Then I picked it to death and started to hate almost everything I was writing. And then when it was dead I kicked it some more. Then I over-thought it for another couple of weeks and decided that I hadn’t over thought it enough and there was more nit-picking to do. After I’d finished with all of that nothing was good enough anymore. And to be honest – I’ve been miserable.
So what I had started as a bit of a fun way of sharing some of my very whacked out ideas and opinions turned into me feeling as though I had to write like a pro and prove my worth.
What. A. Fucking. Stupid. Idea. (Excuse the language).
How I write is pretty much how I would talk to you if we were having a face to face chat. The words that I punch out on my laptop are truly just a continual stream of my consciousness. As confused and awkward and weird as it is, it is always honest and fairly unfiltered.
It’s me. Nothing more or less and I don’t actually care if it’s profitable or if anybody out there ever reads it. Because that’s not why I write.
I write to get things off my chest and out of my head. I write to speak my mind and share my truths. I write to challenge myself and anyone who reads my stuff. I write to bare my soul and ask for understanding. I write to start conversations and to share ideas. I write to be heard.
But most importantly of all, I write because I love it.
Am I the new Harper Lee or Bryce Courtney? Obviously not. Will my work ever inspire someone to greatness? Nope. Will my words ever be quoted as an overlay on a teenage girls Instagram pic with approximately four hundred deep and meaningful hashtags underneath it? Good god I actually hope not.
But that’s not the point. The point I think is that no matter what everyone else thinks I should be doing with my writing, I know what my intention for it is. And that’s enough.
So while you may never see me published anywhere but here on my very badly self-made website rest assured that I don’t mind one little bit. I promise you all that I will post when I can as honestly as I can and you are all most welcome to visit whenever you chose.
I’ll be right here with my words of….I can’t really say wisdom can I? I mean if you’ve read literally any one of my other pieces you’d know that wisdom is not really my thing. After all who in their right mind would follow me anywhere I led them or take my advice on how to do anything? It could only end in tears. Or with one or all of us getting completely lost or side-tracked and most probably there would be tears as well……am I right?
P.S. I actually lied earlier when I said my writing wouldn’t inspire people. I’m pretty sure all of it’s a great inspiration to you all on exactly how not to carry on your daily lives. Particularly with that “think before you speak thing”. I did a great job teaching you all how important that is didn’t I? And the Thermomix cult – I saved several of you from that, am I right?