Dear Potential Employer

So by now you should all know that I am obviously not known for being afraid to speak my mind. Today I’d like to write an “open letter” of sorts to all the employers out there. I highly recommend that you read it if you’re ever considering offering me a job…..

  1. Read my freaking resume.

Ok so this would seem to be an obvious one. But I’m amazed at the amount of times in my life where I’ve been in an interview or in a new job and people still ask me if I know how to do things. Things that are written in black and white. Right there on that bit of paper that I spent a considerable amount of time composing to impress you. Turns out I could have stated “crafting famous architecture out of macaroni” in my skills set and you still wouldn’t have noticed. (Which is probably good since I have no idea about architecture or how to construct it from dried pasta.)

  1. I mean really read my resume.

Over the years I’ve done quite a bit of resume reading and I’ve discovered that you can tell a lot about a person by reading beyond their educational level and mastery of Microsoft. Things like their hobbies – they are always worth a look at. Like if someone plays sport, particularly at a high level, they tend to be able to commit to projects and see them through to completion. Plus they usually tend to be a good team worker. (Or if someone is interested in black magic and human sacrifice you may want to gently refuse them from a safe distance and encourage them to consider getting into politics. Or the Taxation Office.) So pay attention when I tell you I’m into….I don’t know……origami. I may just be the creative letter folder you’ve been searching for to help your organisation stand out from the crowd. (Note to self – google origami tutorials.)

  1. Open your eyes and think outside the box.

Don’t assume that someone is exceptional because they have a University degree and don’t write someone off because they don’t. If someone lists their interests in writing they may be worth looking at for something like social media engagement, newsletter/blog articles and the like (hint, hint). It may not strictly fall into their duty statement but if you harness and channel them they could add value to your organisation. Some of us have huge ideas that we’re just waiting to pin to the right organisation. And when it happens it will be amazing.

  1. Treat me how I treat you.

Ok here’s the thing about me. I’m fiercely loyal and if you back me as much as I give you we could be pretty amazing together. I will give you 110% and then some more if you give me just a hint of a chance and work with me instead of dismissing my ideas as mindless chatter. You could lock me in a room and throw work at me and I would still happily come back with “Please sir. I’d like some more.” Just like Oliver Twist (only with more bathing and without the being an orphan and thief part). That’s how hard I will work for you if treat me well. It’s a no brainer really.

  1. Laugh a little bit more.

I’m hilarious. We all know it and there’s no point in fighting it. Laugh with me or at me (OK this is usually more the case). The end result is that we all end up a little bit happier and a bit less stressed.

  1. This chick is about to take over the world so man up and ask her out.

Feel free to hitch your wagon to my star. Alright – so it may not be quite that amazing but I am certainly looking to create something wonderful with what’s left of my working life and I’m looking for someone to come along for the ride. How about it? (Is this starting to read like a bad online dating profile?)

  1. I will challenge you and sometimes try your patience.

Ok. I will have my moments. Everyone does. There will be times when we have to remind each other to just breathe. And maybe remember that there may be times when you’re not a complete joy to work with either. It goes both ways. But it will be worth it. Plus I live by the idea that there’s no problem so big that it can’t be solved. Have I told you that I’ve worked with 5 year olds? Now that’s scary and hard to handle right there. They’re like caged cats – friendly and charming until they’re let loose and then they claw your eyes right out of your head. OK – maybe a slight exaggeration but you get my drift. If I can manage a pack of 5 year olds,I’m sure  we can get through each other’s tough times with our eyes in-tact.

So there you have it. Simple really.


P.S. Evil genius. Octopus trainer/wrangler. Professional coffee drinker. What do all these things have in common? They are all careers that are completely out of my skill set but I’ve given serious thought to over the years.

P.P.S. OK so I admit that I haven’t completely ruled out the possibility of becoming an evil genius – but only if I can have a limitless supply of those little minion dudes. And a kick arse outfit with a logo that you recognise instantly as mine. And a lair. And eleventy billion dollars……..

koalafications (2)

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