Ain’t no way I’m hitching a ride on your bandwagon.

Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit like I’m under attack. Not a full scale, guns blazing, reputation destroying kind of attack. It’s somewhat more subtle my friends, but infinitely more terrifying.

Almost everyone I know seems to have found a bandwagon of choice and have been loudly (very loudly) and proudly screaming at my face that I have to get on board too. They’re kind of like those little kids in other cars that you see on road trips. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who shout and wave and pull faces at you until you wave and smile back at them. And those little monkeys don’t stop until you do it and do it with passion. And heaven help you if you actually ignore them to concentrate on the road ahead to avoid a bloody, messy road accident. Then they turn all angry and abusive and freaking scary as they curse you with black magic and shoot balls of hatred from their eyes that sear into your soul as you overtake (safely but quickly) to get the hell away from them. Five year olds are scary as anything and borderline bat-shit crazy when they don’t get their own way folks – do not turn your backs on them. But I digress….

From coconut water to paleo; quinoa to activated charcoal; $2,000 kitchen utensils (sorry but there’ll be no free promotion from this girl!) to enormous over sculpted eyebrows; from internet fitness fads to kale there seems to be something for everyone.

Now I have no problem with loving something and being passionate about it. I am quite prone to this phenomenon myself. I will quite often share my love of certain things with my family and friends or even mention my joy and love of something on social media. But that’s usually where it stops.

But for a lot of people it goes even further. They see the proverbial sheep and buy the whole gosh dang farm and dive in boots and all. Then sometimes they will try to convince anyone who will listen that they too have to love this chosen item as much or possibly more than they do. (Well maybe not more because no-one could love it more than them, right? RIGHT?)

One very recent example comes to mind. Some people I know asked me if I owned a certain kitchen appliance they were quite fond of. Now I have been asked this exact same question only, say, forty thousand times in the last six months. But this time was different – next level kind of awkward and intimidating. When I said simply “No. And I probably never will” there was an avalanche of six different people with a rising sense of urgency rushing towards me to convince me that I must. I simply must. Because it can make amazing things like jam and yoghurt and bread and rice and you just set it and forget it and it makes ice cream and drinks and gluten-free organic cakes and you have to know how amazing it is and it sits on your kitchen bench and you worship it and you just have to buy one and I bet you will buy one.

Phew. It was like walking straight into a kind of Scientology for kitchen appliances meeting.

Now at this point several things were going through my mind. The first was “why didn’t I bring a sharp implement so I could pierce my own ear drums to stop the incessant noises I’m hearing”. And “they don’t know how much of a stubborn old cow I am and they can’t tell me what to do”. Closely followed up with “I can’t remember if I put deodorant on this morning. And did I turn the iron off? What is the true meaning of life? And gosh I’d kill for some quinoa right now.”

By the time they had all finished passionately trying to bring me over to the dark side there was a moment of silence. I noticed one girl gently swaying back and forth silently chanting the product’s name like a brainwashed cultist. Then I turned and saw another person with a slightly crazed, eye twitch and upper lip sweat sheen brought on by their mania. Boy oh boy I was in trouble.

Now a smart person would have dropped to their knees and sang hallelujah with the choir. But as many of you know I’ve never been accused of being smart or taking the easy route. So I said this.

“No way am I paying $2,000 for a glorified blender and YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.”

Now I wish I could describe the scene that ensued in its proper glory. It was magnificent. It was like I was confronted with a pack of pre-teens desperately scrambling for the last boy-band-of-the-minute’s concert tickets. Or that they were offering me the only safe haven from a zombie attack and the only thing I would have to do is join their crew, survive the hazing and swear an undying allegiance to their brand. They would convert me at all costs, they would bend me to their will.

I ended up walking away. Without being converted, mind you. (Plus whilst I’m actually terrified of zombies they would have to be the saner, safer, less expensive option, right?)

I know they will see this as a challenge. I know they will ramp up their attacks until I crumble. Or will I? Umm. That would be a big, fat no.

The contrast to this mob is a great girl (albeit crazy cat) I know who’s discovered a passion for some life changing nutritional supplements. She will sing it’s praises from the roof tops and post it all over social media, and yet never once has she cornered me and shaken me until I bought into her hype. Nope. She just lets me make up my own mind. She’s doing this thing the right way. She knows that if something is that good it will pretty much sell itself and I don’t think she really cares if people aren’t into it as much as her because she loves it that much.

I guess the moral to this story could be that you can be as passionate as you want about something but you’ll have to accept that it may not be everyone else’s cup of tea. Or maybe it’s just that I haven’t found anything that I feel that strongly about yet. I don’t know and to be honest if it turns me into a lunatic I’m not sure that I want to.


P.S. The product in question is, I am sure, excellent. However an equivalent product that can do exactly the same thing is available through another brand. Plus it’s a bit cheaper so I’d have money left over to buy organic, fair trade ingredients for my amazing time saving creations. And also it’s a brand that’s been around for years and years and did I mention it was designed by engineers in Sweden and manufactured in the same factory where they build those high performance jet rockets so you know it’s going to be a quality product. I’ve already worked out that in 2,489 meals it would have paid for itself with how much less electricity it uses. And have I mentioned how much time it will save? And with that time I could………………(Just kidding. I love you all you kale munching nutters!)

kale-kale-everywhere (2)

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